writing again...

...because today was just so lonely, and I don't have anyone to talk to it feels like.

Chicago

I don't wanna live without your love,
I don't wanna face the night alone.
I could never make it through my life
If I had to make it on my own.
I don't wanna love nobody else,
I don't wanna find somebody new.
I don't wanna live without your love,
I just wanna live my life with you.

such ache today

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you

Still have your picture in a frame
I hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane
How I wish that you would call to say

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you.

No more loneliness and heartache
No more crying myself to sleep
No more wondering about tomorrow

Won't you come back to me?
Come back to me!

I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you.

now what?

Part of me wants to use this blog everyday...to send messages, to hold on to hope. Because I do hope that one day we'll take the next steps together.

The other part of me wants to disappear and be silent...end this blog because it became my way of communicating when we couldn't. And the pain of trying to express what I feel and have it fall on deaf ears makes it unfair to be the one to keep the torch burning on my own.

To hear from you that the decision was best both crushed me and gave me an hour's worth of strength. That hour ended a long time ago.

It's not fair. It was finally my chance to be happy in life. It was my turn after the rampant heartache and disappointments. What about me?

flooding of songs...

Dan Hill's "I Never Thought (That I Could Love)":

Can I touch you?
I can't believe that you are real
How did I ever find you?
You are the dream that saved my life
You are the reason I survived
Baby...

I never thought that I could love
someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need
someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

Can I hold you?
Girl your smile lights up the sky
You are too beautiful for the human eye
You are the dream that never dies
you are the fire that burns inside
Baby...

I never thought that I could love
someone as much as I love you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I never thought that I could need
someone as much as I need you
I Love You...

You are the sunshine in the sky
You are the sparkle in my eyes

I never thought that I could love
someone as much as I need you
I know it's crazy but it's true
I know it's true
I never thought that I could need
someone as much as I need you
I LOVE YOU

Maybe this says it better

Don't Wanna Lose You - Gloria Estefan

Sometimes, it's hard
To make things clear
Or know when to face the truth
And I know that the moment is here

I'll open my heart
And show you inside
My love has no pride
I feel with you I've got nothing to hide

So open your eyes
And see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself, myself

I don't wanna lose you now
We're gonna get through somehow
Don't wanna lose you now
Or ever
Baby, I've fin'lly found
The courage to stand my ground
But if you want me, I'll be around
Forever

We all make mistakes
We all lose our way
But we've stood the test of time
And I hope that's the way it will stay

It's all up to you
To tell me to go
'Cause it won't be me to walk away
When you're all that I know
And I know...

That I don't wanna lose you now
We're gonna get through somehow
I don't wanna lose you now
Or ever, never
Baby, I've fin'lly found
The courage to stand my ground
But if you want me, I'll be around
Forever, forever, yeah, yeah

Don't wanna lose you, lose you now
We're gonna get through somehow
Don't wanna lose you now
Don't wanna lose you, don't wanna lose you

one life to live

I love you, ASG.

And I want to build my life with you.

Come with me on this adventure.

reliance on classics

From Kishore Kumar's "Chalte, Chalte":

Chalte Chalte Mere Ye Geet Yaad Rakhna
Walking walking, remember these songs of mine

Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna
Never say goodbye

Rote Hanste Bas Yoon Hi Tum Gungunate Rehna
While crying, laughing, you keep humming

Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna
Never say goodbye

Pyar Karte Karte Hum Tum Kahin Kho Jaayenge
Loving each other we will get lost somewhere

In Hi Baharon Ke Aanchal Mein Thak Ke So Jaayenge
We will sleep off after getting tired right at this place

Sapnon Ko Phir Bhi Tum Yoon Hi Sajaate Rehna
Then also you will keep beautifying all dreams

Kabhi AlwidaNa Kehna
Never say goodbye

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